Foundation to a Good Relationship

“A house must be built on solid foundations if it is to last. The same principle applies to man” - Sai Baba

Having a happy and successful relationship is not necessarily easy. It takes work. The two people in the relationship need to be committed to giving 100% of themselves. So, what does it take to have a solid foundation for a healthy relationship?

• Laugh Together

“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either”. - Wayne Dyer

Laughter is a choice. By choosing to laugh with your partner,  it shows that you enjoy each others company, feel positive towards one another and actually “like” each other. Choose to make your partner laugh at least once a day.

• Know each other's love language

“We must be willing to learn our spouses love language if we are to be effective communicators of love” - Dr Gary Chapman

Love languages are the different ways we communicate and understand love. We all have different love languages. Love languages can be as different as English and Chinese, so it is important to understand each other's love language. The 5 typical love languages are: 

1. Words of Affirmation

Phrases such as "I love being in love with you.", "Thank you for always being there for me.", "You look beautiful/handsome today.", and "I don't know what I would do without you." 

2. Quality Time

Simply watching a movie, talking, taking a walk together, or any other small activity where it is just the two of you being with each other.

3. Receiving Gifts

It doesn't have to be expensive. A card, some flowers, anything that simply says, "You were on my mind and I appreciate you."

4. Acts of Service

Taking out the trash, doing the laundry, washing the dishes, etc. Something that may seem small and insignificant but will make them appreciate your help and efforts.

5. Physical Touch

This does not just mean sex. It means holding hands, kissing, hugging, back rubs, etc. Any small physical interaction can mean so much to your partner.

Here is an example of understanding your partners love language: 

• If your love language is physical touch, a kiss will speak louder than 1000 words – but,

• If your love language is words of affirmation, one kind or affirming word will speak louder than 1000 kisses.

Although you may be showing your partner love in every way you know how, it may not be enough. You need to understand their love language.

• Understand Love as an Action

“Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is a fruit of love, the verb” – Stephen Covey

Love is an action. 

Love is understanding how your partner feels loved, and then doing it.

People often think that love is a feeling, and that once the feeling disappears – there is little hope for their relationship. That is absolutely not the case. 

When you choose to love your partner (even if they didn’t do anything to deserve it), you are showing them real love. Love, that is unconditional and that does not rely on them loving you first.

If you view love solely as a feeling, you will wait for a long time and still not "feel" it. Love is a feeling, but it is also a choice. A choice that has to be backed up with action.

• Don't cross the line.

There are certain things you should never say or do to your partner. Crossing the line may include:

1. Losing your temper.

Obviously, we all get angry. The important thing is how you handle the anger. Talk a walk, go into another room, give each other some space for a little bit so you can cool down.

2. Yelling or screaming at your partner.

This can make them angry or even sad. It can make them feel like a child being scolded. You should never attempt to talk to your partner while angry. Cool down, then discuss the issue calmly.

3. Saying "I hate you."

There are some things you can not take back regardless if you meant it or not in the heat of the moment. This is one of those things. While your partner may "forgive" you, it will always be in a corner of their mind.

4. Calling your partner unkind names.

This is pretty self explanatory. It belittles them and makes them feel less than they should. You should NEVER call your partner anything outside of their name.

5. Using manipulation to get what you want.

When you manipulate, you use a form of lying. This breaks trust overtime.

6. Getting aggressive toward your partner.

It is never okay for either of you, man or woman, to lay your hands on your partner. This is abusive and what may have been a healthy relationship crosses the line into an unhealthy relationship. NEVER argue while angry. Calm down and try to discuss the issue once both parties are calm and collected.

Once you begin crossing the line, it becomes easier and easier to do it over and over again.

• Apologize often.

“In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes” - John Ruskin

Love is not prideful.

We all make mistakes. We are human. Do not make the mistake of being proud. Apologize so you can move past what it is that needs apology to begin with.

• Trust

"Love is weakest when there is more doubt than trust, but love is strongest when we learn to trust in spite of the doubts."--Unknown

Be completely honest with each other to begin with. Discuss past issues with each other by listening and keeping an open mind. Be truthful in even the smallest situation. Give your partner trust and try not to question or doubt whether they are being truthful with you. 

• Communication

"Communication is the life line of any relationship. Without it, the relationship will starve itself to death." --Elizabeth Bourgeret

Communication is a necessity in a relationship. You should always be respectful in how you communicate with your partner.